My usual day out on a deep sea fishing excursion is a skunked trip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I’m the banana on the boat – bad luck for hooking anything worth eating. Today, unlike any other, wasn’t particularly exciting. Successful? Yes. We caught two sizable dolphin and deep dropped for some spectacular grouper and snapper. When our boys go to sea, they usually slay it.
There are always boring parts to any day at sea. Throughout the day, I would gleefully cheer a handful of flying fish as they soared through the air like little aquatic hummingbirds. Secretly pitting them against one another in a fight for extreme distance. Typically favoring the fish on the left. Maybe it’s me, but I always feel like the left sided competitor gets the shaft. Maybe I’m easily entertained… you decide.
Anyway, I’d like to dish out some advice for the girls out there who aren’t the “sport fisher” types. That’s right, I’m talking to the 99.8% of you. Those who think “it might be fun” to head out on a deep sea excursion.
- I should change this title to “A Girls Guide to Fishing with the Men.” Make damn sure you’re going out with men, and not boys. You do not want to be the one in the boat with the biggest set of balls.
- Sunscreen. As I transfer this piece from the Notes app of my iPhone to my MacBook, I constantly feel the sting of my precious fiery face. The word reapply means something. Do it.
- Earlier in todays note taking, I felt I should add the plug for Baz Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” My Sweethearts & Gumdrop side says to watch it.
- After I had jotted down “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)”, and as the sun beat on my soon to be weathered face, I heard Lana Del Ray’s “Young and Beautiful” on Sirius XM’s BPM. Last night, I (again) watched Baz Luhrmann’s Gatsby. Young and Beautiful plays throughout the film in many different ways. I will soon be downloading the soundtrack. Luhrmann (and his twisted takeover of my brain) nails it with the music in his movies. Pure genius.
- Don’t wear anything you care for, love, or covet. You’re gaffing fish – not posing for America’s Next Top Model. Blood. Will. Be. Shed.
- Bring a sweatshirt and a hat. It may be 90 degrees at the dock, but it’ll be at least 20 degrees cooler trolling off shore. Six hours of goosebumps are not pretty, nor do they feel nice.
- Wear POLARIZED SUNGLASSES. I cannot stress this enough. Anytime you’re near water, wear some damn proper sunglasses. Leave those cute and sexy heart shaped rose colored glasses at home. You want to see without Lasik eye surgery in the next 20 years?? Listen to me. I prefer brown lensed glasses over smoke lensed. They amplify color x10. If you’re in the beautiful azure waters of The Bahamas, you’ll thank me for it. The company I keep in business (I own at least four pairs) are Kaenon. Kaenon is marketed towards sailors and water recreation. I’ve owned too many pairs of sunnies to count. I’ve spent thousands on glasses (shut up, we all have our thing), and my Kaenons have always had the best lenses out there. Spend the extra couple of dollars. While you can buy tons of cheap sunnies, you only get one pair of eyes. Treat them right.
- Don’t get seasick. If this is a fear of yours – take Bonine or get off the damn boat and go play with Barbies on the beach. Clear cut.
Here’s where I start telling you the real reason I’m writing this post… listen closely:
- Be the bitch the boys love. Yes, I said it. Get in the galley and make sandwiches. Bring chips. Bring beer. This will make up for any “whiny girl things” they give you shit for. Plus, I’m always hungry and always in need of a beer.
- Take photos. Not selfies. Stroke everyones ego later by proving just how EPIC that kill was. Closeups, a bloody gaff, a bent rod. It all works.
- When in doubt, shut up and don a buzz fueled barley pop to those sun kissed lips and work on your drool worthy tan. A day well spent. Remember your sunscreen. See rant number two listed previously.
Shameless selfie – PRESUNBURN Sad Face Pouty McPout Pout photo. Yes, I am currently red. Not like a lobster, just a little warm.
When it’s all said and done.. you should have a kill box full of dolphin, wahoo, tuna, and snapper. Tell Nobu to suck it when you’re scarfing down fresh sashimi and free cocktails on your (owners) beautiful yacht.